


argentum

by thegirl



Series: golden days, silver nights [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 2x03, F/M, Lumberpunk, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:52:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1742117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl/pseuds/thegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A missing scene from 2x03. Sarah reflects on Cal, and what could have been, what can't be, and her poison touch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	argentum

After, in the stillness, Sarah allows herself to look at him. He sleeps just as splayed out as he did eight years before, his chest rising and falling rhythmically.

She could kill him now. She won't, she couldn't, not ever, but she could. Sarah envies him, a bit - he won't have been celibate for eight years, it's not like she's been, and he must've fallen asleep next to people he knows nothing about, who could want to take something he doesn't want to give away. The idea of someone hurting Cal - sweet, gentle, charming Cal who just wants to help bees and save the environment and wear scruffy jumpers and grow a scruffy beard - makes her feel sick. Then she remembers - she already did that.

He breathes, in and out, silver in the moonlight filtering through the curtain, shadows highlighting the structure of his face and the curve of his hips.

Sarah doesn't deserve nice things. 

She turns over, away, despite something inside her screaming to huddle into him and breathe in his smell, curl herself into him until they're a single being again, and clenches her fist so hard that her nails break the skin on her palm. She breaks everything she touches.

She'll be gone soon, she's poison. She has to be gone soon. The ghosts of might-have-beens linger in Cal's cabin - what if they had a nursery, and Kira named one of the chickens, and Cal took her to school and carried her on his shoulders and she called him 'Daddy' like she should?

Its better if they go. Safer, safer. 

(In her mind, Cal and Kira have crawled their way into the category of pure, beautiful things that Sarah has polluted, golden and silver and slick, running through her fingers, always just out of reach. She needs to stop fooling herself and remember who she is - she does not get nice things, she has to keep Cal out of this)

(She doesn't want one last kiss from Cal - she wants a kiss everyday, more than one in fact, she wants to have stability and safety and chickens - but shes come too far, dove too deep, shes never getting free and in the silver moonlight Cal looks so at peace)

She makes up her mind - she'll be gone in the morning. She owes him that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little fic, I completely fell in love with Lumberpunk after 2x03 and I felt I had to write something in their honour.


End file.
